I have been feeling quite down for almost a month now, for several reasons. One of the reasons would be the job I know have. It is not fulfilling for me in any way, I feel as if I got stock in time and my brain matter has been drying over time. Weird huh? All I wanted was a job which would keep me hungry for learning. How I wish many of our hopeful thoughts would come true. Unfortunately for me, this has not yet come true and I continue in the same unhappy situation.
In 2016, I was very unhappy as well again for several reasons, but I took a different approach. As I was doing my daily research I came across a text which said “If you cannot change it, stop complaining about it”. From the simple text, I started analyzing my life and made a list.
Things making me unhappy:
Home Country Status
After making the list, I decided to put the actions to be taken in order to improve my life.
Job – Quit
Relationship – End
Home Country Status – Move
Please keep in mind around the time I wanted to quit my job, or decided to make these decisions I was filled with feelings and all I wanted was to remove whatever I thought it was bad for me physically and mentally.
⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ Quitting the job:
Job was dreadful, I could sleep only a couple of hours at night. My sleeping schedule was so badly arranged because all I could think about were new ways to making the job situation better. I used to wake up every morning with a sense of no purpose, specially because I had to get out of bed around 4:30 AM everyday to go to a place which was not adding benefits to my life. Crying was a lullaby song every night for around 3 – 4 months. The situation was terrible at the time.
One day I got to work and I told my boss I wanted to quit / or to be released from the company. Despite my hopes being high, the managers refused to accept my offer. Around the time the company was asking for volunteers, but my department was not included in this list. Although the company gave me a NO for an answer, they actually decided to move me to a new department. I must say the change was pleasing because I had a chance to learn new topics and meet new people. Quite frankly, meeting the new people pretty much made my transfer acceptable. They are a really awesome group.
Solution: Crisis averted!
⇑ ⇑ ⇑ ⇑ Ending a relationship:
Sometimes when a relationship is not working out, the best way is to end it. However before ending anything people have to try, try to be better partner, listener, supporter, best friend and all the involved roles. I am not sure I did, or he did. We were just so consumed by feelings which were both unknown to us. At the time it was invisible to us, and impossible to solve it. Feelings of desperation, low self-worth, lack of interest, dependency surrounded me and I was unable to see beyond them. We both were blinded.
Too many issues were taking the life of our relationship. A decision was made to end the relationship after a couple of arguments. It was ugly, and hurtful. One of my purposes in life is to avoid hurting people, however there are situation which are hard to avoid. The other person may not be hurt by the action / decision, but you will. I was hurt for a while, but I was free to finally breathe without a heavy load on my lungs. There are some decisions in life which help you grow as an individual, and that was one of them. I feel myself better, and been working hard for myself to improve every day.
Solution: Ended relationship.
⇐ ⇐ ⇐ ⇐ Moving out of the country:
As the recession worsen in Angola, and the availability of dollars decrease, one could only think about moving. Can you imagine working your whole life without having a chance of traveling on vacation? Crazy! However not crazy enough because it is actually happening in my country. There was a large inflation in the country, and the national currency lost much of its value. This drove me crazy, for many months. After thinking for a while, I decided to move out of the country.
I was planning to go to UK, Ireland or Canada for a better life. However it is not so easy as it seems. Leaving your home country, despite the hardship, is very hard due to the roots which go beyond the soil. I started thinking about my family, and imagining how things would be if I went out of the country by myself. Relief was what I felt when I let go of this thought. However this happened not only because of my family, also my plans were not properly design and I lost confidence on them. Despite having giving that up in 2016, the door is not completely closed and I am glad I decided to stay in Angola for the time being. Some decisions can wait.
Solution: Currently OK in home country.
What do you think I should be doing now? Well, I think the answer is clear. When things remain the same as the previous years and you are not satisfied with the situation, change. Make small changes, big changes, but change. Sometimes we get unhappy with the monotonous rythm our lives are taking, and we forget we have the power to change how this situation affects us and to change it.
Think with me for a second. You have been having problems with a friend for a while now, and things remain the same as before. What should you do? Before you start pointing fingers, look at yourself. Is there anything you can do to improve the situation? Perhaps you can change the way you deal with your friend, in a less aggressive way for example. I mean there are countless ways to deal with that before you decide to end a friendship. If the friendship is really damaging you emotionally / physically and leaving you unhappy, leave. The good moments will always be in your mind.
So you see, it is so easy to change our lives, but we have the tendency to present some resistance. Sometimes it can be good, others not so much. As I am here writing, I am also thinking of several ways to change the way I feel at the moment. Small steps always provides me with sense of accomplishment in a long run. Let the list begin. Remember that if you cannot change it, stop complaining about it. This action will provide you with so much peace and harmony. Believe me it will. Make the right choices. Be happy.
Kisses and Blossoms,